This article can also be found at Degree180.
His palms are sweaty
Knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, Mom’s spaghetti
(why yes, I did just quote an Eminem song)
Raise your hand if you’ve ever asked someone out. I did the other day for approximately the second time in my life and the lyrics to “Lose Yourself” pretty accurately sum up how I felt while I waited for his response text.
(why yes, I did ask someone out via text message)
The moment I hit the send button my heart started pounding out of my chest, my stomach wound itself into a hundred tiny intricate knots and I began imagining every potential worst-case scenario in my mind (would he laugh in my face…? Would he simply not reply…?). I incessantly messaged my friends, asking for advice for the avid non-dater of the group.
“Don’t worry so much,” they said. “It’ll be fine.”
Somehow their reassurance just wasn’t doing it for me. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that an impending doom was upon me. After all, he was surely going to say no.
And then, ladies and gentlemen, his answer hit me like a tidal wave.
Wait…what did he say?
It immediately felt like a bag full of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt a stupid amount of relief that someone, anyone thought I was normal enough to go on a date with.
To state the obvious: asking someone out is damn nerve-wracking.
But why is it so damn nerve-wracking?
Simply put, because it can open you up to a whole new level of vulnerability. If he says no, it could be seen as a sign of weakness on your part. Remember back in your elementary school days when the other kids would make fun of you non-stop if they somehow found out you had a crush on one of the other kids in class? Our feelings of apprehension these days are just an extension of those years. While anyone who responds that way now is a complete and utter jackass, the principle remains. We’re so afraid of being hurt or embarrassed that it’s easier to not act on our feelings.
And what happens when you don’t act on your feelings? The regret, my friends, becomes real.
But as nerve-wracking as asking someone out it is, it’s something we should all be doing, ladies and gents. But especially the ladies; we often times find ourselves holding back our romantic feelings because traditionally it’s the “man’s job” to pursue us. We fear looking “too forward,” or being flat-out rejected.
We’ve got to say what we mean before it’s too late.
“Ask yourself, seriously, when the last time was that you walked away from a conversation thinking ‘wow, I’m so glad I bit my tongue back there.’ More likely, you’ve walked away with a knot in your chest thinking ‘dammit, I wish I’d been more honest.'”
While my monumental freak-out the other day seemed completely justified at the time, I knew that if I hadn’t approached this guy, ultimately I would’ve felt as though I had missed out on an opportunity. And what if he had flat-out rejected me?
I likely would’ve been over it after a few days.
Life is too damn short not to go after that cute guy you met at the coffee shop down the street. And who knows, maybe he was just too shy to talk to you!